Monday, 30 June 2014

Thank you for calling…….(Contd…)

Again, that does not mean all Team Leads are incompetent. Like I said earlier, I have seen both sides of the coin, the front side and the back side (I am still deciding which is which).Just like bad politicians, worst politicians and Rahul Gandhi ,there are different kinds of leaders.

Lets talk about the “all important” HR department, which is like tooth ache with hangover. Can’t decide which is worst.

In BPOs,wives of CEOs or CFOs of big companies are hired as HR personnel(Mostly).  They are easy to recognise.  On any given day they are dressed in jeans, kurti, their hair will never be in place, they are rotund and  short, wear thick glasses. They are short tempered and have “holier than thou” air about them or they will look like somebody out of Victoria’s Secret (By the way, what is the secret?), either ways they are annoying.

HR department is categorized in to several divisions depending on work load and competency.  Given below is a clear table on the same (Not to be mistaken to be inaccurate):
Profile
Competency
Hiring
1)      Should know local language well and passable English
2)      Should not have any concept of weekend( for themselves or others)
3)      Should be able to give an impression of being a colossal idiot even to a complete stranger
4)      Should not have any concept of time
5)      Should have an excellent appetite
6)      Should be able to look busy even when nobody is around (Or is it, “especially when somebody is around?” I am confused)
7)      Should be able to handle snacks, lunch, phone calls and being an idiot, all at the same time
Any kind of graduation will help but not mandatory
Engagement
It is a big team and hence :
1)      Should be able to keep each other engaged
2)      Recognise the strongest in the operations team and take breaks with him/her (Sorry, not breaks –Supportive Humanskill Improvement Talk, in short SHIT)
3)      Should be able to smile at people they hate
4)      Give legal reasons for playing with people’s lives
5)      Should be able to make pie charts out of an empty excel sheet (I know you are going to try this)
6)      Should be available in cafeteria at any given point in time
7)      Should be able to copy personality development PPT from Google, change colors and use it as Leadership Improvement Programmes (But they are original….seriously)

For the sake of sustenance, HR is supposed to train Team Leads on people management skills. So the above PPT is downloaded, color changed, a few text removed and then the same is added (No idea? – get idea). Then the concerned Team sits down to device a time table which ensures that the Team Leads don’t get enough sleep for a week, since they will be working night shifts and attending this programme(?) during the day time.  These people can put Hitler to shame.

Only Dalia Lama can be patient with this breed. I mean, you should attend this programme. Of the team who is supposedly training ,not even one of them have handled operations floor for a day, but they talk about how to handle stress, how to handle difficult agents, do’s and don’ts of communications etc.  Above all, they give bonding exercises (Hey aunty, you want to bond, come to our weekend party).  It is like our local temple trustee teaching Ramalinga Raju how to handle PL account.

However, I have seen some excellent examples of HR personnel. All of them quit before doing any serious damage.

You should see hiring team in action.  Their end to end solution is like watching a spoof of Allari Naresh movies, which are spoof movies in the first place. Half the interview , they are on calls with their consultants fixing more interviews. Second half, they are asking questions which are not relevant to the job in any way. Not all of them are like that, there are some good examples of interview skills, they all gave interviews in good companies and moved out.

To my friends in Human Resources : The above is my experience with a few people and not with the department.  I have immense respect for what you do and request you to continue doing the same, exactly in the same manner in which you are doing at this very moment.


More to come………WFM………