Men and Hygiene
Just saying these two words in the same sentence will get
women rolling on the floor with laughter which would be hilarious for a man as
well, seeing a grown woman do that. But seriously, men are hygienic more than
women know. I know it sounds like a BJP speech in Old City but here goes.
Basically, men’s morning ritual can be condensed in to three
letters: SSS (Shit, Shave and Shower) which pretty much covers everything that
is required to be clean and presentable.
I cannot say that for Modi (I am not talking about the shaving part).
A woman’s morning ritual consists of making ruckus about the
bathroom condition, Shit, Shave, Shower, choose dress, wear dress, choose
another dress, wear dress, choose another dress, wear dress………it goes on like
that. Two parts of a woman’s morning ritual takes a lot of time. Part one is shaving because the area is
larger and slicker. Part two is choosing
dress. Choosing a dress takes lot of time because it has to meet with so many
criteria. Some are given below :
1) Should
not have been worn in the last 45 days at-least
2) Should
closely match her friend’s but not the same shade
3) Her
“other” friends should not have that pattern (Women don’t have enemies, they
have friends and “other” friends)
4) Should
have been worn by a celebrity in any recent telecasted event (Point of
discussion for the day)
5) Her
husband should not like it (They will show you two dresses and wear the one you
did not choose.)
6) Should
be her mother’s favorite (Point of discussion on the evening call to mummy)
I don’t know why women are under the impression that men are
dirty and unclean pigs? We have reasons for the way we are. Take a Sunday for
example. I get up, brush (when it suits me), have breakfast (not in that order)
and watch TV. I don’t have to go
anywhere, anybody coming home….should do so at their own risk. So, why should I
take bath. Isn’t it a fact that bathing
was invented to be presentable to others? On the contrary I ask my wife, who are you
getting dressed up for on a Sunday morning. I say it is ridiculous to go to all
that trouble just to sit and watch TV.
Then there is that small matter of how to behave in public.
When I happen to meet my wife’s friends I am as presentable as one can
get. There was this one women who we met
in the market, she wanted to know everything about me(I vaguely remember her
asking what are my identification marks). My wife was livid with me for not
having shaven that day and she said “I told you to shave in the morning, now
see what happened?” What’s the deal with that? Why should I look attractive to
my wife’s friend?
To all the women out there, we have figured out what your
problem is. You want us to look like
those guys in TV serials, right? Always immaculate, not one hair out of place,
talking softly and maturely, crying at the drop of a hat, feeling for
everything everybody say or didn’t say.
Getting softly angry if relatives don’t invite for some get together,
not smoking, not drinking.
Did you women notice that these men are always at home
sorting out family problems? Did you ever notice that the back bone of the
serial is extra marital affairs that the husband is having?
Feel lucky with what you have got sisters, there is nothing
called a Hygienic Male.
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