Thursday, 24 April 2014

Rambling - Chapter 3

Traffic

A necessary evil, if you ask me. It is like our Bollywood movies, general elections, TV Serials, etc. I am a fairly good driver, but sometimes it takes a race car driver to reach office on time. Where I stay, people have severe depth perception issues. They cant make out difference between the road and you. So you constantly have to keep looking back to ensure that you don’t get run over, but then the problem is, when I tried this, I ran over some street vendors.
Added to this there is another peril. Yes, you guessed it right….women drivers. That omnipotent species who are driving insurance industry to the top of the chart. I don’t get whats wrong with them, I mean when you are on a bike, lets say, what do you do if you are head on with another vehicle or Khusboo? If it is the first one you apply break, if it is the second one, you apply break and ask her out…..right? .  Noooooo, a women will not do either of them.  She will remove both her hands from the handle, close her ears and give out a shrill cry for the benefit of the public. Then what happens? The other vehicle is obviously at fault because he is a he and if the other vehicle happens to be Khushoo, then it is a win win.
Take a ride in my neighborhood, your experience will be somewhat like this: 1st gear, speed breaker, 2nd gear, speed breaker, some kids, another vehicle which is parked almost in the middle of the road than another speed breaker, some more kids, speed breaker, a family making major decisions in the middle of the road, speed breaker, kids, a person in car is searching for an address, speed breaker, kids, kids, kids, and it goes on. Did you notice you never reached 3rd gear? I am not exaggerating.
You might think I have some serious issues with women drivers, I beg to differ.  I don’t have any serious issues with women drivers, any citizen with half a mind towards reaching retirement intact and one day dying in bed peacefully has serious issues with women drivers. It is not that women cannot drive, of course they can, it is just that women should not drive, because they have other priorities like makeup, hair out of place, attending to calls, make up, hair out of place etc.
Another category of traffic criminals are husbands teaching their wives to drive.  I appreciate the planning the husband is doing to get rid of his wife, but what about the traffic?. Oh, that reminds me, I have to take my wife for driving lessons this evening (he he he he).

I have devised an ingenious plan to get rid of this menace.  While issuing license, RTO authorities must insist on NOC from mother-in-law of the woman applicant (villainous laugh).