Wednesday, 28 January 2015

God Men or Good Men????

Trust a man who says there is no god, trust a man who says there is god, but never trust a man who says he is god.  I like this statement very much.
I know a lot of people who either believe in god or don’t. But what I don’t understand is how an average intelligent man, who earns well, is able to run his family can submit to the will of another man in blind faith.
Our country is not bereft of such people.  People who will literally fall at the feet of another man who claims to be a god.  Almost everyday we see in media about such people. There are in-fact one or two who are under investigation, yet people go to them seeking blessings.
After speaking to a few such people, I have listed out reasons why God men flourish in our country.
People who believe in God Men do so for the following reasons:
1)      Want to know the secret of the universe
2)      Want to know the purpose of their life
3)      Want relaxation
4)      Want peace of mind
5)      Want success in job or business
6)      Want to become wealthy
7)      Want problems solved
8)      Want to go abroad
9)      Want to know future
10)   Want protection
11)   Want a child
  The list actually goes on, but I have listed the top 11 (Our Cricket top 11 makes more sense than this).
I can understand the people’s wants.  I am not telling people that desire is bad or desire is the reason for disappointment (When Buddha told you didn’t follow, why will you follow me?). However, thinking that these wants will be fulfilled by a guy who, due to lack of creativity, calls himself god? Don’t these people, who want to become rich, realize that they are instead making him rich?
Why would you send your wife to another man for a child?
If you want to succeed in job lick your bosses’ ass or work hard, how will a swamiji help?
If you want a successful business, cheat on taxes, cheat on quality or over price your products but keep your marketing team happy or the other way is work hard.
You want protection, stop pissing off people.
Why do you want to know the secret of the universe? What will you do with it? Find out about Victoria’s secrets instead, atleast it is interesting.
What will you do knowing the purpose of your life? You want relaxation watch a movie or someone else’s wife.
I can go on and on……..
Note to all devotees of God Men : You are getting screwed and paying for it.  There is no name for it.  Go home and concentrate on making your family happier than yesterday, which will get you all you want.


Monday, 8 September 2014

Teacher's do or not to do....

Teacher’s Day

I am back on public demand. Now, don’t get the wrong idea, I was not in jail or something (My current boss, however thinks I should be in a straight jacket). I have not written any article for a loooong time.  Now I am back (Good things don’t last for long friend).
What should I write about is least of my concerns right now(I don’t know why that is important).  Recently I saw our NAMO on TV talking to students.  I thought to myself (Not aloud, there were people around) why would PM of our nation want to talk to students of our nation.  He should be out talking to students of other nations.  Our children have already gone bad.  You don’t trust me? Look around you, the kind of parents you see should tell you something.
So, here is our PM talking to the next generation and telling them how important education is. I wanted to shout at him “They are already in school……tell them something different”.   Then my wife asked me to pipe down .  So much for freedom of speech. He was talking to students on Teacher’s day.  Shouldn’t he be talking to teachers?  Telling them how bad they are, etc?

What next, will he be talking to AAP on Gandhi jayanthi?. Come on, who is his PR? Who gave him this idea? I can do better than him anyday (No comments please).

This is not getting us anywhere (Not that there was a goal to this article).  So, lets talk about Teacher’s day. It is celebrated on 5th Sept. Which year you ask? Every year you dumbass.  Why do we celebrate you ask? Google it junkie!!!!

Pakistan and Russia celebrate teacher’s day on October 5 (again every year) and UK too.  That should tell you something about these people.

On teacher’s day, we remember Dr. Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, Second president of our great nation.
I happen to witness teacher's day at schools closely on several occasions.

None of the events at any school was about him, they were about what is wrong with India, it was about students knowing the pain of teachers, everything but about that great personality who should be remembered. In the years that we have been celebrating this great day, the essence of it has gone.  Right after school day, I happen to ask a few “Bright” students what the hullabaloo was about and they had no clue.

Come on schools!!!! Don’t lose perspective. Our PM may have forgotten to mention but you cannot afford this miss.  Our kids need to remember the great personality called Bharatha Ratna Dr. Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, his achievements, ideals and what he taught westerners about our culture and religion.

Wednesday, 2 July 2014


First you have to understand the below saying on my blog to be able to understand this article completely (i.e., if you are able to read it completely)

As per Webster dictionary anger is defined as a state in which you are anywhere between pissed or super pissed.  Really……..I know you want to check your dictionary, but if you have a dictionary at home and want to search the meaning of the word “anger”, then you are a suck up.

Anger is an emotion which causes you to do stupid things like slapping people in public, slapping people in pubic (read it again), biting ears off in the ring or on the football field, barking at people with cameras, shooting at innocent animals and wearing T shirts which contradicts what you did, etc, etc, etc, etc.

There is no one way the anger manifests itself.

You have to go home late on your wife’s birthday to witness one form of anger or call her mother names to see another form or ogle at her friend to witness yet another form.

Physiologically speaking, anger is not good for health.  It is a proven scientific fact.  Try the following Harvard approved , psycoanalatically proven experiment and you will know.

Friday evening: Sit with your wife and tell her that you are missing her very much and want to spend the entire weekend with her alone.

Saturday morning: Arrange for a friend to call and act as if there is an emergency at the office and walk out without complete explanation.

Sunday afternoon: If you can, update comments on this post if you agree with me or not.  You will see that anger is definitely not good for health.

Anger and booze don’t go well together.  Both wants to take over one another and almost always anger wins, meaning you will have to spend more on booze.  See what I mean? Whether you drive when you are drunk or not is left to you…….but never get angry when high.

So, why do we get angry? when people ask this dumb question is one reason, another is when people don’t meet our expectations (Even I can be profound), last reason is when people meet our expectations (Like mother-in-law being nice on a day when you have mustered enough courage to confront her about too many visits)
Anger is gender biased.  Anger is a woman is entirely different from anger in men.  It comes for different reasons, shows itself in different forms and always (without exception) ends in the man apologizing.

In women anger comes for no reason at all.  Here they are giggling one moment and the next they are so angry you will think that Arvind K joined NaMo for “chai pe charcha” and the very next they will be in tears.

Men get angry for simple and understandable reasons. No change for smoke, lighter not working, too much traffic on a Saturday, too many kids around (Number of kids can be 1 also), India losing to Pakistan, power off during a very interesting match, your wife's beautiful friend calling you brother, your wife's beautiful friend getting married, your wife's beautiful friend getting married to an arsehole, etc, etc, etc, etc.

When you get angry, you immobilize yourself and cause a lot of destruction to yourself and everyone around your like Arvind K did to Delhi………trust me friends, anger is one emotion you can do without………..

Best ways to beat anger are :

1)      Don’t acknowledge it
2)      Stay away from negative people
3)      Don’t expect others to be like you
4)      MOST IMPORTANT : Don’t cross your wife………

Hell hath no fury as the wrath of a woman scorned – William Congreve


In simple words my boss used to say “Learn to let go”.  Thanks boss for those wise words, I am no longer getting beaten up at home as frequently as before.

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

All co hol......

When god invented women (refer to my previous article – Rambling 2) he was laughing at the man and generally having a good time at his misfortune.

God had created man in his own image and woman was created in the general likeness of Jackie Shroff.  Hence the almighty had a soft spot for the man and wanted to balance the wrong.

He thought all night (Even gods think , not sure about Arvind K) and decided that once created ,life cannot be taken back (however horrendous it may be).  So, the only way to correct the imbalance he had created, was to give man something which would make things tolerable.

So, the All Powerful created a divine juice and decided to call it All enCOmpassing Holistic juice (Hence forth will be referred to as booze for brevity, he he, brevity……….get it? ……. Don’t? then you are that horrendous thing that the god created to get back at man).

Men are arseholes as I have proved in several articles (Only thing my wife and I agree on).  So…..when Lord came to man and asked him to take a sip of the booze to make things more tolerable……the idiot gulped the jug down and crashed.

When he woke up again, he was acting funny. He saw that the other living thing was beautiful and very interesting.  The huge boulder thingies she had were now looking very attractive.  When she frowned, it was like she was coming on to him.  So his next few hours were very content and he did things to which even god had to turn the other way.  He did things like, washing his hands before eating, washing his ass after you know what, taking bath, etc.

Now god was disgusted.  God was on a roll messing up things, like Rahul. But god was better than Rahul, he owned his mistakes and wanted to correct them.

Abracadabra!!!! he made one more of those women thingies and made her fall in love with the man.

As soon as the two women started talking to each other, god bit his lip, gulped a jug of the booze and disappeared leaving the man to his booze and women.

Thus started the saga of vices on earth which is still going on successfully…………..

Love or first flight

My first love was Anuradha.  I saw her in a basketball ground. She used to come there for coaching and I used to go there for leching.

I remember that she was dark and had short hair and generally not good looking. Sometimes I am not even sure if she was a “She”, but there you go.  

First love, not very specific about looks or even gender, I think.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not gay or anything but thinking about it now, phew.

I practiced how to propose to her for many days and on the D day, messed it up. She rolled her eyes and walked away.

This gets me thinking about puppy love (now, don’t think that I was in love with a puppy).  What makes a boy fall for a girl at that early age.  There can be many contributing factors like loads of free time, peer pressure, demographic imbalance in the gender spread,  parents having successful careers, jobless parents, lenient attendance rules at school, irregular or absence of PTA and of course there is this little thing called hormonal growth and stuff which I don’t believe in (Up yours Darwin or whoever invented it).

What contributed to my first love is a mystery, or atleast I would like it to be that way.

Anyway, it fell flat on its face and thus started my saga of disappointments in life. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had she accepted to my proposal?

If you ask my wife (which is obviously not Anuradha) she will ask you for her address to beat her up for not accepting.

My marriage is also a love marriage, after proposal, eloping, hardwork (on my wife’s part), facing difficulties in life (on my wife’s part), enjoying (my part), etc.  I am a very happy man today because of love.  Because that is the only thing that is keeping my wife from planning some hideous way of getting rid of me. Ahhhhh, aint love grand?

One more love of my life is my son…….. he absolutely adores me (he also hero worships me – refer to my previous article “My daddy strongest”).  You should see the love in his eyes when I buy him inconsequential things like Rs. 12000/- tab, Rs. 8000/- guitar which he never uses, Rs. 800/- skate board which he does not know how to use, especially when I tell him it is ok to watch TV late in to night on school nights. Such is the grand way of love between father and son.  But my wife disagrees.  What do women know, right? Right?

The fun of following a girl home, letting her know in no uncertain terms that you are interested in her, showing her off to your friends and when she rejects, sulking and using that gap to start smoking and drinking.  Blaming it on her looks. Such is the interesting way a man should grow.  It is important that a boy go through this cycle to be a complete man (wearing Raymonds will only add to confusion).

So guys, take time today to think of your first love and what you did not do to woo her and how thankful you are that she rejected you so that you can be with your wife. (Pssst…… wife is breathing down my neck).